The most dangerous kind of ballbusting (and how to prevent it), by Grand Master Pheel
There is a more dangerous, more insidious kind of ballbusting, one that follows you like a shadow. Grand Master Pheel explains how to recognise it and stamp it out.
by Grand Master Pheel — 2026-02-09
ContextIn Italian slang, to “throw a pig” (tirare un porco) means to let fly one of the blasphemies built on the word porco, pig. The bigger the frustration, the louder and further the pig goes. The sporting contest below is scored on exactly that.
1 It is important to stress the “reflexive” value of the second precept, well described in this Enlightened study by Grand Master Pheel:
2 Dear Anubist, welcome back to this raving rubbish tip highly cultured blog, where the Prophet and the Grand Masters strive to share the fruits of their benders deep meditations.
3 Today I would like to talk to you about a subject very close to my heart: ballbusting.
4 Or rather, about the most dangerous kind of ballbusting.
5 There is a line attributed to Albert Einstein that goes:
6 “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe”.
7 Albert Einstein
8 Albert was without doubt enlightened by Anubis, but may this humble Grand Master be allowed to add a little something to this spot-on quote.
9 There is a third thing that Anubists know to be infinite: ballbusting.
10 Come to think of it, the addition isn't even necessary.
11 As already mentioned here, every Anubist knows full well that our very universe was born from Anubis's balls going into a spin after his sacred bone was broken.
12 So we can safely say that spinning and/or busted balls lie at the very foundation of the Universe.
13 (Human stupidity is nothing but a direct manifestation of it.)
14 Now, when we talk about the ballbusting humans cause, we always think of the kind inflicted on us by the outside world:
- The town hall clerk whose 1996 computer stops working just when you have finally found the time to hand in the stack of useless documents they demanded before you could build a cupboard in the bathroom of a house you own;
- The Dim Soul of the day who starts parroting the latest news about some war the parasites have started to keep the world in a grip of terror;
- The splash of sauce that forces you to change your T-shirt on washing day, when that was the only decent one left, so you end up wearing your old Iron Maiden tank top.
15 All of this on the day your in-laws are coming for lunch.
16 That is some seriously heavy ballbusting, no doubt about it.
17 But it is not the most dangerous kind.
18 You see, dear Adept, the vast majority of external ballbusting is “one shot”.
19 That means it happens once and then (with a bit of luck) never again, or only now and then.
20 With a little goodwill and some healthy adoration, it can be handled.
21 There is, however, a more dangerous and insidious kind of ballbusting, one that follows you like a shadow and won't let go from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed.
22 A ballbusting that threatens to breed more of the same, on repeat.
23 What am I talking about?
24 Busting your own balls.
25 Call it self-flagellation of the family jewels or DIY testicular demolition: whatever you call it, it is important to learn to recognise it and stamp it out as soon as possible.
26 Otherwise the Sacred Enlightenment will be closed to you before you even begin.
27 Let's take a few examples.
28 Do you ever start telling yourself over and over that you can't do something?
29 Like you can't write new songs, finish that story, change careers, start rebuilding an open and honest dialogue with your partner?
30 Or do you keep feeding your soul and brain on doom-laden news bulletins to the point where you live in a constant state of panic and alarm?
31 You have nightmares about inflation, wars, pandemics, price hikes, crises… and even the toilet paper could run out at any moment!
32 Granted, these are all real things, but endlessly brooding over things you have not the slightest control over will not help solve them.
33 That way the parasites win twice: first by doing their bullshit, and second by worming their way into your head, stopping you from processing thoughts and emotions in an Anubistically healthy way.
34 And without healthy emotions and thoughts, no enlightenment of any kind can be reached.
35 But fear not.
36 Grand Master Pheel has set aside this last part of the chapter precisely for a scientific, clinically tested method to start to stop busting your own balls.
37 But let's start with the basics.
When do we bust our own balls?
38 We bust our own balls when there is a gap between reality and our desires.
39 This gap between reality and expectation creates negative emotions of every kind.
40 Emotions we cannot control, since they are nothing but involuntary reactions to stimuli from the outside world.
41 When they come, all we can do is live through them.
42 Fortunately, Anubistic Adoration comes to our rescue and lets us partly vent them.
43 But when we are talking about self-inflicted ballbusting, Adoration is not enough.
44 It is not enough because what the Anubist should be working on are the premises of those emotions.
45 Let's take a practical example.
46 Imagine the final of the Pig Throw is on TV.
47 The two contenders, Gianni and Maurizio, are getting ready to throw their Pig as hard and as far as they can.
48 Each of them is aiming for at least 1.3 km of Pig audibility, enough to make sure of victory.
49 Each has his own method for getting the greatest distance out of his Pig.
- Gianni will walk blindfolded and barefoot through an obstacle course of furniture, certain to stub his little toe.
- Maurizio has brought along a letter, still unopened.
50 Both are on the blasphemy blocks.
51 The tension is palpable.
52 The referee starts the match.
53 Gianni sets off on his mad dash, blindfolded and barefoot.
54 He scrambles like a madman between sideboards, bedside tables and coffee tables.
55 At a certain point the little toe of his left foot finally collides with a footstool made of lead.
56 Gianni throws his pig:
⬆️🐷🚽🏴☠️🤡💩💩💩👑🦍🍆!!!!
…
57 Moments of silence.
58 Palpable tension.
59 The acoustic sensors don't lie: his Pig has reached 1.37 km!
60 Gianni celebrates, sure he has victory in the bag.
61 But Maurizio stays calm and begins, slowly, to open the envelope.
62 It is a letter from the Italian Revenue Agency.
63 Maurizio did not have a compliant Bollocks-Sausage Permit 23245.2 Bis for his business as a salami bagger.
64 A fine with late-payment surcharge, triple pike with a twist and counter-excise!
€25,343!
65 Maurizio's heart stops for a second.
66 In the next instant he fills his lungs to a capacity no human soul has ever reached.⬆️🐷🚽🐶🐱🐼🐲🌏⭐👼🏻🥊✈️🎆🧻🧻🧻❌🔞🚸🚼🛂🌵
67 The shock wave from Maurizio's Pig blows out the candles on the birthday cake of little Fabrizio Sburlenghi, aged 5…
68 …about 3.7 km from the venue!
69 Maurizio is not only crowned winner, he also smashes the record of 2.4 km held by Saverio Frappani, who turned up to last year's contest naked, holding a cup of scalding coffee filled to the brim.
70 But back to us.
What does this story have to do with the method for not busting your own balls?
71 Let me ask you a question.
72 How did Maurizio's fans react?
73 They rejoiced at his victory, no doubt. And Gianni's?
74 They were in despair!
75 See?
76 Different people reacted to the same objective event in two opposite ways.
77 What changed?
78 The premises.
79 Different premises of thought led to two emotional outcomes that were completely different.
80 And you can use this information to change the fate of your own ballbusting.
81 Change your premises.
82 Change your world (and save your testicles).
83 I'll close this piece with a little personal episode.
84 Not long ago I had to go on a trip and I couldn't find my ID card.
85 Time was passing and that damned document just would not turn up.
86 I invoked Anubis at the top of my lungs, I turned the whole house upside down, the drawers, even my shoes.
87 Nothing.
88 I could feel the anxiety climbing like the cars of a rollercoaster before the drop into the loop-the-loop.
89 “What do I do now? I'll miss my flight! Disaster! Aaaaah!”
90 I stayed in that state for several minutes until I began to accept it and started to become genuinely curious about what I could do instead of that trip.
91 That was the moment I started to calm down and stopped smashing my own balls.
92 When I stopped wanting to control the world at all costs and started showing curiosity towards it.
93 In that moment I understood the words of Stefan Molyneux when he says that the two are opposites.
94 The opposite of control is not letting go, but curiosity.
95 And only one of the two sets you free.