An Anubistic observation on sexual violence

The Prophet does not follow the Italian news, but sadly some of it still reaches him...

by The Prophet — 2026-01-15

This is satire, and dark satire at that. In Italian slang a pizza is a slap in the face, and malore improvviso ("sudden illness") is the stock phrase Italian news uses for unexplained deaths, much repeated online with heavy irony. The Prophet plays the two together.

1 Speaking of the sacredness of life and of justice, another sad subject is rape.

2 There is always some poor girl who is the victim, and assorted hacks for hire who take turns writing pointless drivel.

3 A while ago they were discussing (then luckily they dropped it), as a triggering factor, the self-sexualisation and provocativeness of girls on social media.

4 The fact that girls have to pull chicken-arse pouts on social media, complete with photos of tits and arse, is a great resource for the Anubist: simply and precisely, he knows exactly which girls not to go around with, so it is definitely an added value!

5 That, however, has absolutely fuck all to do with rape!

6 Especially with one of the latest ones, against a 10-year-old girl, and more recently one against a fifteen-year-old.

7 The Prophet would like, trying not to bust your divine spheres, to introduce the following parable.

8 There was a time when, if someone dared to rape a woman, a race began between the victim's relatives, friends and neighbours on one side and the police on the other.

9 If the police arrived late, the rapist was served a knuckle sandwich, which, as everyone knows, brings on a “sudden illness”.

10 If the police won the race, to protect the rapist from a "sudden illness" they put him straight in "the cooler" without serving him any knuckle sandwiches.

11 (As everyone knows, "sudden illnesses" are brought on by the heat and by knuckle sandwiches.)

12 The problem was that the intolerance of the other guests of the "cool hotel" towards the rapist ended up raising the room temperature, inevitably bringing on a "sudden illness" in the new guest.

13 And so it was decided to set aside a part of the “cool hotel” for rapists only, so as to protect them from “sudden illnesses”.

14 The moral is that the rapist stayed locked up for a long time in the cool hotel because, had he come out, the risk of an "illness" was very high, and the higher the sooner he came out.

15 The result was that rapists lost the urge or the chance to rape, at least outside their own family.

16 This parable is about 40 years old.

17 Today rapists, just like all other attackers, act undisturbed; they don't even get “cooled down” a little.

18 We have even recently found out that someone argued that a rapist was innocent because certain behaviour seemed to be normal in the defendant's culture.

19 All this leads to the formulation of a Great Mystery of Anubism: “Given that women are still women, rapists are still rapists and the State is still the State, what has changed in the last 40 years?

20 Why do so many attackers today seem to perceive a lower risk of facing immediate consequences?”

21 The Prophet is not inviting anyone to serve rapists knuckle sandwiches.

22 He merely observes that a society in which the criminal's only fear is finding a parking space outside the courthouse has a problem, a huge one.

23 The Prophet does not know what the solution is.

24 He knows only that a woman should not be afraid to go out.

25 It is the rapist who should be very afraid indeed before deciding to act, Dog God almighty!