Anubistic Animalism

Anubism is plainly an animalist religion, but here too, in its fundamental anarchy, it is animalist in its own way. The Anubist is first of all...

by The Prophet — 2026-01-15

Anubism is plainly an animalist religion, but here too, in its fundamental anarchy, it is animalist in its own way.

The Anubist is first of all respectful towards other living creatures: he does everything he can not to bust their balls, and asks in return that nobody bust his.

In this sense Anubistic animalism parts company with the rest.

Rather than squashing cockroaches, the Anubist escorts them out of the house; instead of ant poison he looks for deterrents; and he slaughters mosquitoes without any pleasure but without mercy, purely in self-defence.

He behaves the same way towards animals that threaten his life.

The Anubist is not an animalist by ideology. He is one by logic.

Understanding how pointless and how harmful many humans are, he works out that perhaps that cockroach, having attacked nothing vital, deserves a minute of his time to be carried outside rather than killed.

So far we have described the behaviour of the observant Anubist, but the inspired Anubist loves animals, finding most of them the only positive thing in the global shittiness of everything.

So he pets them and loves them almost as though they were an emanation of Anubis.

When the usual humanoid pronounces “with all the people in need out there, you're going to run around after animals?”, the good Anubist answers, with poorly hidden impatience, that since most humans are exactly like the humanoid in question, devoting yourself to animals makes more sense.

He adds that any activity aimed at not increasing the shittiness of the planet is “right” in itself.

We must nonetheless allow that humans sometimes suffer from phobias, animals included.

Phobias having nothing to do with reason, they cannot be condemned.

Some are afraid of dogs, some of snakes, some of spiders, and so on.

The Prophet, for instance, is a well-known penguinophobe.

After watching a documentary about penguins, in which they lead a thoroughly shit life facing down a pig of a cold just to hatch one fucking egg, the Prophet suffered several nights of nightmares.

The fact that the penguins were all dressed identically was enough on its own to seed phobias in the Prophet.

The worst of it, though, is the total absence of choice that defines the penguin, putting it on a level with a Borg (see Star Trek).

Never mind the sadness of a life lived rigidly according to genetic programming and to the community, which surely makes it one of the saddest animals going.

At the end of one of these documentaries the Prophet understood that the penguin must, in any case, be a great worshipper of Anubis.

To his considerable surprise, the Prophet heard these words in a documentary: “While the male penguin stays behind facing cold and hunger to hatch the egg, the females head off to the sea in a group to hunt for fish”.

For fish? Is it actually possible to be that much of a penguin?

He sits on the egg and she goes off after fish? Penguin God!

Truly, nothing is sacred any more.

One wonders how the penguin worships Anubis while sitting on the egg and his partner is off at the sea “hunting” with her friends… no surprise the Prophet turned penguinophobe.

In any case, phobias aside, the Anubist animalist wants what is good for other animals; but the Anubist animalist, keeping the precept, does not bust anyone's balls.

He refrains, for instance, from throwing eggs at people in fur coats, because wearing a fur is exactly as culpable as eating salami.

From which it follows that we would need ten billion or so chickens and at least a billion full-time “throwers” to “punish” everyone who, to satisfy their pleasures or their physiological needs, does harm to farmed animals.

Farmed animals, if they did not serve in some way to improve human life, would probably be extinct, so there is something wrong with the reasoning.

The Anubist animalist limits himself to reducing the harm as far as possible, trying to find out how the animals he eats were treated.

A chicken curry made from a happy chicken, one as free as possible, is certainly good for the chicken and for whoever eats it.

In future, though not the near future, people will surely pay more attention to the life, and the death, of the animals they eat, to everyone's benefit.

It will take time and a great deal of information, and it will be reached by imposing nothing through prohibitions, ideologies or assorted religions. Nobody here expects the human to stop eating chickens. We simply expect him to stop being a dickhead to chickens as well.