Why join Anubism

The Prophet was asked why anyone should join Anubism, and the doddering old fool of a Prophet decided to write a few lines...

by The Prophet — 2026-01-15

Italian taxpayers can assign the otto per mille, 0.8% of their income tax, to the State or to a religious denomination, and most of it goes to the Catholic Church. The Prophet will never ask for yours.

1 Before we wrap up, let us answer the question: why join Anubism?

2 Anubism is the first and only non-exclusive religion.

3 Any animal can join Anubism (pangolins included, as long as they leave the lady bats alone, or we all end up locked indoors again), and so can any believer in any other religion, because Anubis couldn't care less.

4 There is only one fundamental precept the Anubist must keep, and it is the second: don't bust anyone's balls.

5 Understanding that busting other people's balls does nothing but increase global shitworldliness is already enough to make you a good Anubist.

6 Anubism does not care what culture you belong to: everyone who keeps the second precept is “like bean sprouts in a jar” (quote): human beings are born to be free, not to hate each other.

7 They are born to be curious about other cultures, not to criticise them.

• Followers of Moloch may join too, as long as, when they decide it is time for a sacrifice, they kill themselves.
• Injectors are also welcome, free to inject themselves with whatever they like, heroin, amphetamines, cocaine, mRNA, as long as they don't force others to do the same.
• Likewise, worshippers of CO2 reduction are welcome, as long as, in keeping with the second precept, if they think it needs cutting, they kill themselves and make a guaranteed contribution to the cause.

8 As long as they respect the simple principle of not busting anyone's balls, believers in other Gods are welcome.

9 The Enlightened Christ said: “Do not do to others what you would not want done to you”.

10 Would you like your balls busted? I'm guessing not.

11 So the Enlightened Christian is welcome among the Anubists.

12 Worshippers of the god State are welcome too, as long as, of course, they do not impose their God on others, that is, as long as they understand that they are the state and do not impose it on others by violence.

13 Worshippers of the god Party are also welcome, as long as they do not impose it on others.

14 For example, a worshipper of Pol Pot can found a block of flats for voluntary worshippers of Pol Pot.

15 Once the block is founded, they can religiously massacre one another and starve to death.

16 They had better avoid firearms, naturally, because that would bust the neighbours' balls, but otherwise they are free to do what they like among volunteers and be good Anubists.

17 Likewise, even a politician can be an Anubist.

18 Politicians can form a voluntary group of worshippers of the god Politics and pass all the laws they like. They can even forbid themselves to live, as long as their “laws” apply only to themselves.

19 Entirely free to forbid each other everything and tax each other, as long as they do not impose it on others by force.

20 In Anubism nobody is hated; we wish every other animal well, as long as they are not brutes.

21 After all, every non-aggressive animal carries the idea of Anubism inside it.

22 In Anubism there are no infidels; everyone is free to believe whatever they like. The Anubist does not proselytise, not even on your doorstep: he talks about Anubis with his friends to give them a divine bark of peace, but always respecting the second precept.

23 The Buddha, as everyone knows, was a great Enlightened One dear to the Prophet, so Buddhists are in no way out of tune with Anubists.

24 It sounds strange to anyone raised in other worlds, but what follows was said by the Buddha:

• Do not be guided by hearsay, nor by tradition either (tradition was the natural law of the time).
• Do not be guided by the authority of religious texts
• Do not be guided by the thought “this is your teacher”. (A few years later Socrates told Crito, quoting from memory: “Never mind whether the philosopher is good or bad; decide whether each of his teachings is good or bad. If it is good, make it yours; if it is bad, reject it”)
• Do what is good for you. (We could bring Nietzsche in here, but let us not bust the divine spheres)
• The metaphysical is incomprehensible. (A couple of thousand years later Kant got round to it)

25 If a religion was then built on the words of the undeniably Enlightened Buddha, that is a limit of human beings, not of the Great Prophet Buddha.

26 It is curious how almost all the great Prophets originally spoke of freedom.

27 It is equally curious how religions of prohibitions were then built in their name.

28 In any case the Prophet of Anubis, forever the humblest of prophets, can only share the ideas of the Enlightened Buddha, which can be summed up as “do whatever the fuck you like”.

29 Anubism simply adds: “... provided you don't bust anyone's balls.”

30 - Anubism is the only religion of peace: it finds violence disgusting.

“You don't avoid shit because you're scared of it, but because it's disgusting”, quote from Crazy Love

31 Note well: the Anubist is not exactly non-violent, but he finds violence disgusting.

32 That is why he resorts to violence only to defend himself and his loved ones from an attack, and only if he has no choice.

33 Violence is necessary for self-defence, and anyone who says otherwise, next time they get lice, should not attack them with a shampoo.

34 The Anubist does not think that, since sucking blood is “part of its culture”, the louse should be left to it once it has attacked.

35 Likewise, the good Anubist, however much he loves animals, does not protect a crocodile that has just eaten a child; if anything, he turns it into some nice handbags.

36 The greedy shark that has gobbled up a swimmer can quite happily become sushi.

37 The Anubist is against every form of violence because, quite simply, it busts everyone's balls, so he will never go to war against anyone else to make the state's people rich.

38 When the Anubist comes face to face with someone pontificating about how to forbid others something, or force others to do what he says, under threat of state violence, he will simply ask him: “Why don't you leave us alone?” (quote: Libertucce.

39 Grand Master Jack vs Giacacoso)

40 Anubism is the only religion that promotes knowledge.

41 All religions, one way or another, try to limit knowledge through indoctrination and by censoring various kinds of information.

42 Anubism, in its fourth precept, promotes free knowledge.

43 Let us remember that the goal of any study is knowledge, not truth.

44 Only Anubis knows the truth.

45 Since nobody will ever know the truth, nobody can ever impose anything on others by violence.

46 Anubism improves your quality of life: Anubism is the first and only religion that imposes nothing.

47 All it asks is that you don't bust other people's balls.

48 The Prophet will never ask you for a cut of your taxes.

49 As an Anubist you can use your genitals however you like and do whatever you like.

50 Anubism forbids you nothing.

51 If you want to bust people's balls you are not an Anubist, but you are free to do it.

52 You can even stay an Anubist while busting balls, but you should found a voluntary community of people who want to have their balls busted and bust each other's balls.

53 Since the second precept also applies reflexively, Anubism raises your quality of life because it inspires you not to bust your own balls.

54 Let us take this opportunity to sum up the precepts:

• 1- Worship his Dog God. (Anubis belongs to himself, not to us.)
• 2- Do not bust anyone's balls.
• 3- Listen.
• 4- Shun ignorance.

55 The Prophet did not include “the search for truth” among the precepts because first you have to seek doubt.

56 And if someone, thanks to doubt, does manage to find the truth, he can be sure he will not be happy:

57 “The only truths that exist in this world are unfair, unreasonable and unpleasant”, quote from Wonder Fools

58 If in places Anubism has struck you as unfair, unreasonable and unpleasant, this may be part of the reason.

So, in spite of everything, do you still want to join Anubism?

59 It's very simple!

60 All you have to do is decide to keep the second precept.

61 Better still if, little by little, you manage to follow the others too, but keeping the second is already enough!

62 In the hope that Anubis may be with you not only when the car won't start but also, and above all, when you find yourself in Anubistic peace, the Prophet, in his own name and in the name of Anubis, humbly thanks you for your interest and your attention.

63 May the peace of Anubism be with you.