The Little Prophet's first Anubistic adorations
When the Prophet was still a very young little dickhead child, he found out at school that he had "original sin"...
by The Prophet — 2026-01-15
1 When the Prophet was still a very young little dickhead child, he found out at school that he had had “original sin” since birth.
2 To be precise, since a certain Mr Adam and Mrs Eve had, thousands of years earlier, pissed somebody off, now everyone had a problem, him included.
3 A problem easily solved with a baptism, which luckily had already been done.
4 But the Little Prophet just couldn't swallow the fact that somebody had already busted his little spheres at birth.
5 Later he heard his father, busy with his tax return, uttering various things (which he would later discover were intense Anubistic adoration).
6 It seemed he had to pay 52 percent on the university lectures he gave as a second job.
7 After a good deal of adoration he decided to stop teaching altogether: “If I have to give those gentlemen 50% in tax, I'd rather stay in bed!”
8 The Little Prophet was very struck by this and started asking around what these taxes were.
9 From the explanations he got, the Little Prophet understood that part of the money earned by people who work also went to support people who, to his child's eyes, seemed to do nothing at all.
10 This struck him as deeply unfair.
11 Then he found out that if you refuse to work for others, you end up in jail.
12 “What kind of fucking world have I been born into? At school they told me slavery had been abolished!
13 But if someone is forced to work for free for someone else, he's a slave!
14 So what the fuck did they abolish?” thought the Little Prophet, very worried.
15 The “Platonic idea” of a puppy began, all by itself, to take shape in his mind....
16 Before long he discovered that he had unwittingly signed up to the “social pact”, under which he had to give money (that is, part of his life) to other people.
17 What the fu... at the time he was very glad that nobody had yet swiped his stickers and marbles on account of the “social pact”, but he began to worry about the future: maybe it was time to hide the marbles?
18 He started building a sturdier slingshot in case some “pact-man” turned up trying to swipe his stickers.
19 Later, at school, he found out that a pact was “an agreement between two or more people or parties”... what the fuck... nobody had asked him whether he agreed to having his marbles swiped.
20 Who the fuck is this Mr Social he was supposed to have made this pact with, and above all when the holy fuck was he supposed to have made it, since he had no memory of it?
21 Very worried, he consulted the Treccani, the great Italian encyclopedia, and discovered that the social pact is:
22 “in the philosophical-political conception of contractarianism, the same as the social contract, that is, the agreement supposedly reached among men to abandon the state of nature and found a civil society: men must be shown that union depends on the social pact, and that the social pact is what guarantees the life and property of every citizen (Foscolo).”
23 Treccani Encyclopedia
24 Come again?!?!
25 It wasn't just a pact, it was a contract!
But when had he signed it?
26 And what the fuck is “civil” about pinching other people's stickers or marbles?
27 More and more worried about the state of his memory, he dug deeper and discovered, with some relief, that the “social pact” had been imposed on him.
28 A bit like original sin.
29 He cheered up a little, thinking there ought to be a “baptism” for getting this “social pact” off his back too, and saving his stickers.
30 He found out there wasn't, and that made him extremely pissed off.
31 That night he dreamed that nine high-school students came up to him and said: “The ten of us are a society.
32 Among us the ‘social pact’ applies. Hand over the bike!”
33 The Little Prophet naturally refused, but they replied that under the social pact democracy applies and the nine of them were the majority out of ten, so they could take the bike “legally”, and if the Little Prophet refused, he would end up in jail.
34 The Little Prophet woke up already holding the loaded slingshot, since by now he kept it ready under his pillow, but finding himself face to face with his poster of Uncle Charles Bronson, who looked visibly frightened, he realised he had been dreaming.
35 In that moment he grasped how essentially useless the new slingshot was... there was nobody in particular to shoot... it seemed you'd have to shoot everybody; nobody could tell who the fuck Mr Social or Mr State actually were!
36 Having understood that his stickers would never be safe, he had a first small enlightenment!
37 From the Platonic conception of the puppy the Little Prophet unconsciously moved on to the Augustinian one: “This idea of a puppy I have, isn't it intrinsically a divine idea? Couldn't it be that God is a puppy and, obviously, minds his own fucking business hunting for grub?”
38 Then he discovered “public debt”.
39 The Little Prophet found out that at birth he had inherited tens of millions of lire of debt, which in theory he was supposed to pay back.
40 “A hundred thousand packets of stickers? What the fuck is this?
41 There are people who play stickers without having any stickers and when they lose, they come and take mine?” thought the Little Prophet.
42 He looked into it and no!... anyone could “renounce an inheritance” from anybody, but not Mr State's!
43 Anyone could “accept an inheritance with the benefit of inventory”, even their own father's, but not Mr State's.
44 It crossed his mind that Mr State must be a god, given the level of violence he could inflict with impunity.
45 And indeed there were various priests who believed in Him, but (the Little Prophet was small but not a complete dickhead) he quickly noticed that they were all handsomely paid.
46 So the Little Prophet went on thinking that Mr State was a crook, and went on worshipping the Puppy God.
47 Meanwhile the stickers at the newsstand kept going up in price, and that pissed the Little Prophet off a lot too.
48 He tried to understand why, but the answers were too hard to follow... they had to do with a certain “inflation”.
49 The only thing the Little Prophet understood was that, one way or another, this Mr State was always behind it.
50 “Whichever way you turn, that bastard's always behind it!” thought the Little Prophet, worshipping the Puppy God.
51 Time passed, Mr State grew more and more pervasive, stickers kept going up in price, and in the Little Prophet's mind the divine idea of the puppy grew, Augustinianly, into a Dog.
52 One morning a teacher at school talked about the State.
53 At the end the Little Prophet asked the teacher who the holy fuck this Mr “State” was and where he could find him... the slingshot was already loaded... but the teacher replied: “You are the State!” and out of the Little Prophet burst his first “Dio Cane”, the classic Italian blasphemy, which, however much he tried to stifle it, was heard by the teacher, with a note home and expulsion from the classroom to follow. (Neither of them had yet grasped the existence of Anubis.)
54 The Little Prophet had already been slingshotted out of class several times by the teachers of religion, Italian literature and civics; only the philosophy teacher seemed to tolerate him, probably amused by his crazy lucubrations.
55 During religion lessons the Little Prophet felt very much of one mind with Mr Christ, but he couldn't understand why there was such a difference between what Mr
56 Christ said and what Mrs Church did: every time he asked the religion teacher to enlighten him, he got ejected without an answer, as if he were sitting in an F-16.
57 Between one flight and the next, the following thought kept hammering in the Little Prophet's little head: “I'm the one who pinches my own stickers? Then where are they? I should still have them!
58 I'm the one who nicks my own bike? Then where is it?
59 I put myself in jail? Obviously Mr State is somebody else!
60 I never lost hundreds of thousands of packets of stickers... why should I be the one to pay them back? ”
61 Time passed, and on discovering that he also had to pay the “interest on the public debt”, the Little Prophet's god, thanks to Mr State, grew maieutically into the Great Dog God.
62 After all, by simple logic, he couldn't see why someone had swapped some stickers for something else, then borrowed some stickers, and in the end the Little Prophet would have to pay back not only the stickers but stickers of interest on top.
63 “The friends who lend stickers to Mr State, who then comes and robs me, must be accomplices, crooks as well!” was the Little Prophet's concluding lucubration.
64 (The Little Prophet hadn't yet discovered that the stickers lent were invented out of thin air... they hadn't even printed them!)
65 P.S. Let Anubists meditate on the fact that bringing a child into the world in good old Italy today condemns it to tens of thousands of euros of debt.
66 Why? Who reduced the unborn to slavery? Does it make sense?
67 Who is the crook who allowed this?