Anubistic Resolutions for the New Year

Dear Anubists, the Befana has been and gone, and as everyone knows the holidays went with her...

by The Prophet — 2026-01-15

1 Dear Anubists, the Befana has been and gone, and as everyone knows the holidays went with her.

2 Some people are busy these days harassing themselves with health and work resolutions, setting goals that as usual they will not reach, and achieving nothing but hurting themselves.

3 None of this is Anubistic.

4 The Prophet proposes instead to carry on calmly adoring Anubis and not give a sacred fuck about the rest.

5 Ask a good Anubist what his resolutions for the new year are and he would answer: “To mind my own fucking business and try not to bust anyone else's divine spheres!”

6 The only good deed worth recommending is to carry on with the work of uncovering and removing all the bullshit they fed us, starting at school.

7 Only when we are left with nothing but doubts will we be free.

8 To do this work properly, a correct positioning of the Self is indispensable, as described in the Sacred Tome.

9 The enlightened Nuke comes to our rescue, guiding us towards the correct positioning with the gift of a great parable: The ants on the aircraft carrier.

10 “We are like ants on the deck of an aircraft carrier off the coast of Somalia, trying, on the strength of their sensory experience, to imagine what the fuck an aircraft carrier is doing there.

11 At most they will manage to imagine a gigantic Big Ant steering the ship towards a bright future.

12 A paradise full of crumbs, with no spiders and no boots to stamp on them, reserved, however, for the ants who believe in the right Big Ant.”

13 Confident that this parable can help us in the search for Enlightenment, the Prophet bids you farewell and wishes that Anubis may always be with you.

14 The Prophet